Today, the Blueberries and I went to Good Samaritan hospital and shared our story with the nurses participating in fundraising for the Boulder March For Babies. It was their "kickoff" meeting. Some of them already obviously know quite a bit about us, but not smaller details like why my pregnancy was so high risk, and how we came about to be such big supporters of the March of Dimes.
It was just lovely to see familiar faces and in particular, Ruby, who was just floored to see how big the girls have grown, and what we do now to honor all families affected by a NICU stay, a birth defect, or a loss. I had to silently wipe a tear from my eye when she reminisced about many things I thought she would have long forgotten. Specifically, a particularly difficult 24 hours that Ricky and I experienced while we had to wait for occupational therapy to come reassure us that little Sierra was OK. Ruby laughed and said, clearly, SieSie is so strong and bright now.
I am so thankful I can look back on some of the most difficult hours of my life and laugh with a friend about it. I worried myself quite literally sick, when everything was actually fine. Sierra was so little and had to struggle so much for nutrition in the womb that making eye contact was too much of a task for her. She flailed her limbs very rigidly and spastic and that is just how a low birth weight preemie's motor skills are. We just had to wait and be more knowledgeable and understanding that her behavior was typical - and most importantly, we had to stop comparing her with Cadence.
I told Ruby that to this day I feel awful that the only day Sierra lost weight was when we left the hospital with Cadence. Her sissy got to go home but she had to stay in the hospital for 7 more days. Most babies will lose some of their weight after being born... but not my little fighters, not until Sierra was alone. She lost a whole ounce that night and I was sick to my stomach with grief and worry that she felt abandoned.
She was happy to see their smiling faces and played peekaboo with them. This is one of the people who nurtured my babies when I couldn't, who supported them when there was nothing more I could do. Who made sure they got fed, one way or another, so they could grow big and strong. They taught Ricky how to change a diaper (he's a pro now, by the way). Showed us how to work around all the wires and what the machines were telling us. They answered my phone calls, several in the middle of the night, to tell me how many cc's they ate, if they burped easily or if it took a while, if they smiled, if they were upset about being covered up because it burns too many calories for them to look around the room.
I can never thank them enough but I hope it brings warmth to their heart to know I am here to stay, that we love coming back to see them, and that we are paying it forward.
